Latest Quotes

Hayden must have heard something about the bad economy, but I'm not sure from where. The other day she said to me, "Daddy, I'll help you do your work so you don't lose your job."

Marley is less interested in being helpful. She and Hayden came to visit me at work a few days ago. Marley summed it up pretty well the following day when she said "I visited Daddy at work and I wrecked the joint."



Finally, we were giving Hayden and Marley a tubby tonight and Hayden asked me, "Daddy, did you want to be handsome?"

"Sure," I told her.

"Well," she responded, "your dreams came true."

Keep in mind, this is after she received her last Hanukkah presents and was no longer in "butter up" mode.

Hayden Loves Hanukkah

Every night at bedtime, Hayden turns into a master negotiator and tries to extend the time that Beth or I lay down with her in bed.

Last night, on Night 2 of Hanukkah, I told Hayden that I was hungry for dinner and I would only lie down with her for one more minute.

She instantly responded, "Two minutes, Daddy. Because it's the second night of Hannukah. And tomorrow it will be three minutes and the next night it will be four minutes."

Hayden definitely has a different understanding of the Miracle of Hanukkah.

Hayden Calming Down Her Dad

We were watching Father of the Bride (Hayden likes to watch anything new, and that was one of the last "family" movies available free on demand) and Hayden told me that she's going to get married before Marley.

"You probably will, but you never know," I told her.

"Oh, I know I will."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know I'm marrying Luke." (Luke is her classmate.)

"Well Hayden, I don't want you getting married until you're thirty," I said.

Hayden must have heard the concern in my voice, so she quickly tried to reassure me.

"Don't worry daddy. Luke likes the Mets."

I must admit that I did feel a bit better about the whole thing, but the kid's going to have to pass a test. We'll find out if he knows who Mookie is.


Hayden and Luke

Hayden's Latest

Back in April, right around Passover, Hayden was really into biblical stories. Almost every night, we would read stories from an Old Testament picture book that we bought. She particularly liked the story about the Garden of Eden.

After a few weeks, Hayden lost interest and we haven't read from the book in a while.

So it was a real surprise when we were in an exotic pet store the other day. Hayden saw this red and black snake in a fish tank and yelled out "Look Daddy, it's like the snake from G-d!"


Hayden has always been very into acting grown up and doing whatever bigger people, including adults, are doing.

The other night, I got home late because I was at a board meeting for the pre-school. (Good times.) When I got home, I lied down in Hayden's bed and we talked about that I was at a meeting.

Hayden then announced "I want to have a meeting."

"How about a party instead?" I offered up.

"No," she responded quickly. "A Valentine's Day meeting."

She obviously has never been to a meeting.

Hayden and the Higher Powers

Hayden asked me the other day why we have five toes on each foot.

"That's the way G-d made us," I told her.

She was silent for a second and then told me, "There's no such thing as G-d."

Now it was my turn to be silent, but I couldn't think of exactly how to discuss metaphysical concepts with my four-year-old. So I decided to drop it, hoping Hebrew School could succeed where I have failed. She does love synagogue though.


Not to suggest that Hayden doesn't believe in a source of ultimate power. We were discussing a present she wanted and I told her that she couldn't have it. She fought me for a while about it and I finally put my foot down and said, "Hayden, I'm the boss!"

She calmly looked up at me and said, "No you're not. Mommy is."

When you're right, you're right.


Speaking of metaphysical, I turned off the lights in Hayden's room so she could get some sleep. She looked around and said, "The only thing I can see is nothing."


Earlier that night we were reading a Hello Kitty book of colors and Hayden likes to say what all the pictures are. When we got to the Green page, they had a picture of peas in a pod.

But my little City Girl takes one look and exclaims "Edamame!" I'm, as always, very proud.

Hayden Is So Continental

If Hayden wants to answer a question affirmatively, she lately tends to say "oui, oui, oui."

She then always adds, helpfully, "That means 'yes, yes, yes.'"


When Hayden makes mistakes lately she says "Wow, my head is so silly today."

Hayden's Hands

We were telling Hayden that she shouldn't grab something out of Marley's hands.

She said, "I didn't do it."

"What are you talking about? I saw you do it." Beth responded.

"My hands did it, not me." Hayden answered back.

I told her not to listen if any boys ever try that "my hands have a mind of their own" trick.

More from Marley

Necessary background: We have friends in the neighborhood with three adorable kids: George, Andrew and Caroline.

Anyway, we were traveling south on the New Jersey Turnpike past the Newark airport and I was pointing out to Hayden the long line of airplanes that were waiting to land.

I said, "They must be coming from Florida. And maybe also North Carolina."

Marley piped up "And George and Andrew too?"

Maybe you had to be there.


For another one that maybe you had to hear yourself from Marley . . .

Marley was about to go to school and I was still getting dressed in my room. So she burst through the door with her arms wide open and said "I didn't get a hug from you."

She also likes to ask "Daddy, will you snuggle with me" when she wants to sit on my lap and watch TV.

Ah, Heaven.

Chewbacca for President

Politics in the Reiner house are somewhat unusual...
The NYT Week in Review had Obama and McCain on the front page.
Marley was very excited. She pointed at it and said, "Barack Obama!"
She then paused for a minute and said, "I vote for Chewbacca" and then added "You vote for Princess Leia."

Grandma's Injury

Grandma Phyllis had surgery on her arm for what turned out to be caused by staph infection. At one point she mentioned (and Marley apparently heard) that she had fallen off her bicylcle.

We called Grandma post surgery.

Marley: How are you feeling Grandma? You fell off your bicycle?
Gma: No, sweetie. I don't think it was from that.
Marley: Oh. You fell off your scooter?

Hayden, the Queen of Negotiation

Because of my lack of self control, I buy lots of presents for the kids.  In a vain effort to keep from spoiling them, I try and space the presents out over a longer time so I store them in a closet in our room.  Hayden knows full well about this closet and calls it, accurately, The Present Closet.

Today, Hayden says to me "Can I look in The Present Closet?  I only want to look, not get anything."

Well, I've fallen for that one before, so I told her no.

So Hayden made a counter-offer:  "Can I look with only one eye?"

What Obama Jewish problem?

Beth and Hayden were talking at bedtime about Hayden coming into the voting booth and helping Beth vote.

"I'm going to pick Barack Obama!"  Hayden proudly said.

Marley responded, "I'm going to pick Rosh Hashanah!"

The next day Marley answered the same question with "I'm going to pick Chewbacca."  As they say, let the wookiee win.

First Post of 5769

It's tough for a girl to grow up in this age of Queen Bees and Wannabes, so I sometimes worry about Hayden having enough self-esteem. Then there are times when I realize I don't need to worry. For example, Hayden asked me the other day, "Daddy, am I ten feet tall?"


We were spending Yom Kippur in New Jersey and the girls were running around in the temple's library. Hayden asked me to read her a book and I picked up a picture book that I thought she might enjoy called "Joseph And His Brothers."

Marley heard me ask Hayden about the book and she kept repeating what we thought was "I want to read Joseph Brothers! I want to read Joseph Brothers! I want to read Joseph Brothers!"

Only when we saw her turning the pages with frustration did we realize that she thought it was a book about the Jonas Brothers.

P.S. I don't think they're Jewish.


We were at the kids' service at the temple and Marley got a good look at the torah with its silver plate and silver handle-covers. She pointed at it and announced: "It's R2-D2!"

Marley Tov

All sixteen of us on the Reiner side were having lunch on Rosh Hashanah. Marley told my dad that she had a shirt with Mr. Met on it. My dad told her that he and grandma saw Mr. Met on the street one time. Without even looking up from her lunch, Marley quickly answered "Oh wow, that's so cool."


Beth was putting Marley to bed, but Marley didn't feel she was ready yet. When Beth walked out and closed the door, Marley yelled out "Come back, Mommy! Come back, Mommy! Come back, Mommy!"

When she realized that wasn't working, Marley yelled out "I have a present for you, Mommy." That didn't work either.

Tushie Talk

We were watching the Hairspray musical on TV (not bad) and Tracey Turnblad, the zaftig teenage hero of the movie comes on the screen.

Hayden asks me, "Is that the mommy?"

"No," I told her, "that's the daughter."

Hayden thought for a second. Then she said, "I think that's the mommy because she has a big tushie."


Later that same night the girls were taking a tubby and I smelled something bad.

"Did you make a toot?" I asked Hayden.

"No, Daddy, it was Marley," Hayden responded, helpfully adding "I saw the bubbles."

70s Era Hayden

Hayden asked me, "Daddy, when we go to the beach next, can you get me a Hannah Montana boogie board?"

"Sure," I lied.

"Good," she said, "because I like to boogie."

Soccer?

We were playing soccer in the hallway and Hayden was telling everyone what to do.

"Mommy, you stand over there," she said "and Daddy, you be goalie."

Marley quickly shouted out "And I'll be the Tin Man!"

Cute Quotes from Wedding Weekend

We traveled way out to Martha's Vineyard this weekend for the wedding of our cousin Paul (on Beth's side) to his excellent new bride Helen. It was a long and involved travel process, but some nifty quotes emerged.

To break up the trip, we spent Thursday night in Connecticut at Melissa and Brett's house. We were all sleeping in the same room and, at bedtime with the lights off, Marley was still chatting. Beth was lying down in Hayden's bed and told Marley to be quiet. She said that it was time to go to sleep and "Hayden and I are trying to get some sleep." Marley would have none of that. After a few seconds silently thinking it over, she yelled "COCK A DOODLE DOO!" to wake them up.

During the drive to Martha's Vineyard, Marley was singing. It's not always clear what song she's singing, so we improvise a little Name That Tune to try and figure it out. Anyway, I asked Marley, "are you singing Yankee Doodle?" And, without pausing, Hayden blurted out "Yankees stink!" I couldn't be prouder.

We were at the wedding and Marley and I were walking on the slippery farm meadow. She tripped a bit and told me, "I almost took a tumble."

On the drive home, Marley dropped something and, once again, said, "shit." She then started repeating it: "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." Trying not to audibly laugh, Beth asked Marley, "Don't you mean 'Oh, bummer'?" Marley quickly responded, "No, shit." The girl knows what she means.

Later on the drive home, which was pretty long and tiring, Marley assured Beth, "I'm going to give you some cooperation." Cute, but not accurate, sadly.

Finally, also on the same ride home, Marley asked where we were going. I told her that we were going home. Hayden, acting gratuitously obstinate, said "We're going Neverwhere." She has apparently mastered the limits of the time space continuum.

Busy Cute Morning for Marley

Marley was playing with her wooden fruit toy and slicing the fruit with the dull wooden knife that came with it. All of a sudden we hear her say "hamotzi lechem min haaretz." And then she blurts out "I need some wine." Hopefully she won't be repeating that catchphrase into her teen years.

Later on Marley responded to Hayden by saying "Are you kidding me?" Now that would be a good catchphrase.

Hepcat Hayden

We were at the playground and Hayden wanted to leave so she said to me, "Daddy, let's boogie."

Career Day

Hayden and Marley were sitting with Beth, and Hayden asked Beth what my job is. Beth told her that I was a lawyer and if somebody had a problem with a law, I talk to a court about it.

Hayden thought for a second and asked "What's a problem with a law?"

Beth said, "Well, Daddy helps people understand the rules."

Marley helped out by saying "Like, no scratching, no pinching, no biting."

Two Reasons Why I'm So Proud of Marley

(1) On our cab ride home from dinner the other night, Marley heard Hayden and I talking about the Mets and yelled out "Yankees stink!"


(2) On my BlackBerry, my email beep is actually a series of beeps that came from R2D2. So Marley recognizes it and every single time that she hears it we have the following exchange:

"That's your email daddy."

"Thanks Marley."

"You're welcome."

So Marley was again watching the Muppet Show episode where the Star Wars gang hosts the show. And every time that R2D2 says something, or even when she sees him, she says to me that it's my email. Maybe you had to be there.


Bonus reason: We were passing a vintage Star Wars poster and Marley yelled out "There's Darth Vader!"

Gesund-ride

Hayden, Noah and I were out for a bike ride. I was in the middle of telling Noah a story and Hayden sneezed. Before I could finish the sentence I was in the middle of, Hayden said "Daddy, I said 'ah-choo.'" The girl apparently needs her bless you.

New Jersey Musings

We were driving from Manhattan into New Jersey and Hayden said that she had a friend at camp named Lincoln. After a moment she helpfully added "But not Tunnel."


Hayden said to Beth at bedtime "I'm sorry I didn't play with Avery more but I felt cranky today." Beth said "It's ok, you can play with her tomorrow." Hayden quickly said "I think I'm going to be cranky tomorrow too."


This one might be too visual. During diaper changes, Marley takes off right when the old one is removed. She runs around commando for a bit. So yesterday Beth yells out to Marley from a bedroom "Hey, I need a tushie in here.". So Marley walks in, slaps her hand against her bare tush and asks "Like this?"

Ms. Blackwell

We're out for our anniversary and I told Beth she looked beautiful. Hayden looked me in the eye and said "Daddy, tell Mommy she looks GORGEOUS!".

Quotable Quotes Episode IV: A New Hope

Here is a place that I will try and update cute things that my daughters say. (I was inspired by my friend Ainslie, who actually types her kids' sayings and sends them in the U.S. mail. She also drives a Model T Ford, apparently.)

I used to post them at Facebook, but Facebook kind of serves no purpose and is more than a little irritating.

I'll be adding new posts, rather than editing this one, should the kids continue to say cute things. Without further ado, here we go. (I only started writing them down beginning in May.)

We were looking for something and Hayden said: “I’ll help you find it. I have big eyes.” (May 2008)

We had just visited Stacey and Marc’s new apartment and it was loaded with boxes from their move. Hayden told us that night that she wanted to move. I told her that she’d have to move without me because I was staying right there in our apartment. She gave me an understanding look and nodded, then said: “Yeah. The comfy chair is here.” (May 2008)

We were in the park and asked Hayden if she smelled the lilacs. She said “Yeah! They smell gorgeous.” (May 2008)

Hayden announced that someday she was going to have a boyfriend. Marley promptly piped up and announced “Uncle Steve!” (May 2008)

I told Hayden that I was very proud of her and she asked “Why?” I said because she is very kind and very smart and, if she doesn’t know something, she works hard to learn it. Hayden interrupted and said “No!” I said “What do you mean, no?” And she said, “I already know everything!” (May 2008)

Hayden: “Sandra told me what number [age] she is, but I’m not telling you. . . . But it’s old!” (June 2008)

Hayden called the honkers from Sesame Street “honkies”. (June 2008)

Marley dropped something and said “Oh bummer.” (June 2008)

We were talking about dressing up for Halloween (we like to plan ahead) and talked about a Wizard of Oz theme. Hayden would be Dorothy, Daddy would be “the robot” (i.e., the Tin Man), Beth would be the Scarecrow and Marley would be Toto. But Hayden sighed, “I don’t think Marley is going to be able to fit in my purse.” (June 2008)

Beth told Hayden “I have so much love for you, it fills up the whole apartment.” Hayden instantly responded “Where are you going to put your love for Daddy?” (July 2008)

I gave Hayden a Polly Pockets toy to reward her for being so good at the NYCLU concert. She looked at it and told me that she had wanted a different one. Then she said “I forgive you Daddy.” (July 2008)

Hayden is very into being into things that bigger girls like. That’s why she likes Hannah Montana, for example. So one day last week she said to me “I want to watch Sax [sic] and the City. Like Sophie and Lulu.” In a word, oy. (August 2008)

Marley likes to watch the Muppet Show with the Star Wars characters hosting. When Chewbacca comes on, Marley always yells “It’s a monkey!” (August 2008)

Marley can be quite complimentary. Often when we mention a baby, like Stacey’s boy Shane, Marley will say “He’s so cute!” When the boy in question is bigger, like Hannah Montana’s brother Jackson or any dog we see on the street, Marley likes to say “He’s a good boy!” (August 2008)

Hayden knew I had a big argument at court on Friday. So on Thursday night before she went to bed she told me “Don’t let the court say anything mean to you.” (August 2008)

Hayden saw me in my suit on the way to court and said “Daddy looks HAND – SOME.” (August 2008)

Marley stubbed her toe and said “Shit.” I tried not to make a big deal of it but she knew it was wrong and tried to get a reaction out of me, but I didn't bite. So she kept repeating “I said shit. I said shit. I said shit.” It’s going to be a long 16 more years. (August 2008)

Hayden had something stuck in her throat and was coughing very hard. I gave her some water to wash it down. After she drank it she told me that she thought it was gone since "My breath now smells like water." (August 2008)

We were at the store picking out a card for Maya's 5th birthday. We selected a Hello Kitty one that said "Happy Birthday 5-Year-Old" and had stickers. Hayden was enthralled and said "Can I have this one when I turn 5?" Beth said "Yes" so Hayden said "Good. Make sure it's a surprise." Beth said "You should try and forget about it then." Hayden replied "Well, if you forget about it, I'll remind you." (August 2008)

Marley loves to belt out songs and rotates through her favorites. We've had "Tomorrow" and "Over the Rainbow." The current fave is "Macho Man." Nothing better than hearing Marley walking around shouting out "Macho, macho man. I want to be a macho man." (August 2008)

We were telling Marley that we're going out to dinner in a few days for our anniversary. Marley said "Hold on. I'll go get my shoes." (August 2008)