End of Summer Notes and Quotes

(PHOTO FROM FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL)

So my normal process with these quotes is to save them up until we have a bunch and then put them up on the blog. Well, that process worked so well this time that I waited too long and forgot what the quotes were. Thankfully the girls get their intelligence and organizational skills from their mother.

And thankfully they continue to say Notable and Quotable things. Read on if you don't believe me.

_____________________________________________

We were on Long Beach Island and Hayden and cousin Avery were about to go off to a store called Just Bead It!, where you make jewelry from beads, etc. My brother Hamilton, speaking for me as well, said "Yuck. I'd rather have a dentist appointment than go to Just Bead It!"

Chiming in, Marley said "Yeah. And even have your molars taken out."

_____________________________________________

Hayden was playing around in our apartment not so long ago and pretending to operate a restaurant. She played the hostess and also one of the waitstaff.

So, after telling me about the specials and taking my order, she says "Remember, when you're at this restaurant we make you feel like you're family."

And I'll bet they're more successful at that task than the Olive Garden is.

_____________________________________________

So the girls really are very smart. They're great readers. Very logical. Excellent memories. Vigorous debaters. And they know many multisyllabic words. They just don't always use them exactly right.

For example, we had the following discussion while playing miniature golf on vacation.

Beth: Marley, get off of the green. You're being an obstacle.

Marley: What's an obstacle?

Beth: It's something that's in the way.

Hayden: Like an obstacle illusion?

______________________________________________

And one day later we had this chat.

Beth: Marley, please go brush your teeth.

Marley: I can't. I don't know where my identical kit is.

(That's her dental kit, we're guessing.)

______________________________________________

The best is when we hear funny stories about our kids from other people. Otherwise we get the feeling that only we see and hear these things, kind of like Snuffalupagus.

So Marley was riding the ferris wheel at Fantasy Island with her friend from camp, Gari, and her friend's mother, Jennifer, who told us about this chat.

Gari: That person down there is smoking. That's really bad for you.

Marley: I know. It can make your lungs work at only 80%.

Ready for the MCATs.

______________________________________________

On the night before kindergarten, I was lying down with Marley right before she went to bed. Even though she wasn't particularly nervous about school the next day, I wanted her to feel extra secure and confident.

So I told her: "Marley, I just want you to know that not only do your mother and I love you with all of our hearts, but we also are proud of you, we admire you, we think you're wonderful, spectacular, and terrific, and we wouldn't trade you or your sister for any other two girls in the whole world."

Marley looked up at me and said "Anything else?"

I guess I shouldn't have worried about her confidence.

_________________________________________________

We were driving on the highway and I drove over those indentations on the shoulder that make your car vibrate.

Marley shouted out, "Daddy, that must be the Thunder Road!"

I was so psyched, figuring that all of my Springsteen passion must be making some small headway on the girls since Marley knew the name of one of his greatest songs. Such a proud moment.

Then, a few weeks later, the girls were watching Grease. And I noticed that the name of the track where the race was held was called Thunder Road. And now I'm a bit less psyched.

All Marley Edition

I can assure you that Hayden has said notable and quotable things over the last month, but I forgot to write them down or otherwise memorialize them. So I present the first Marley-only blogpost.

___________________________________________________

We saw something Easter-related that was consistent with that very fun holiday (maybe an ad for Hop or a giant inflatable Easter bunny on somebody's lawn) and Marley must have wondered if we were going to be celebrating Easter.

So she asked me, "Daddy, are we Easterish?"

I don't think she was asking if our ancestors came from here.

___________________________________________________

Marley hates driving in our car and always asks to open the window. We let her, but only until we get on the highway and the fast speeds make it too windy and noisy. Marley therefore associates the highway with fast speeds.

So we were stuck in a traffic jam on the legendary highway known as the New Jersey Turnpike and were not moving at all when Marley asked "Are we on a low-way now?"

___________________________________________________

On another car trip, the girls' portable DVD player wasn't plugged in so we were trying to kill some time by playing quiz games. First the girls asked me questions about them (which I answered correctly a shockingly low percentage of the time) and then I asked them a few questions about me.

One of the latter questions was what was the name of the college I went to (Yale).

No answer.

So I offered a hint. It begins with the letter Y.

"Uranus!" Marley yelled out.

I think she's destined for Harvard. And I don't mean that as a compliment.

March Modness

Another month has passed and Those Notable, Quotable Reiner Girls remain cute, sassy, and quite quotable. So here goes.

___________________________________________________

Hayden is learning to read at a fairly rapid pace and she has developed a newfound affection for Betty and Veronica comics. Choosing a favorite between the two is not a problem for our Hayden. She instinctively sides with the brunette who has all the money and clothes: Veronica.

To ensure that Hayden is instilled with the proper values, we have involved her more actively in deciding to what charity we should give the money in our tzedakah box. We talked about it and Hayden decided we should give the money to the homeless, reasoning "We should give them enough money so they could stay at the Plaza, like Eloise."

I think we'll need a bigger tzedakah box.

___________________________________________________

Marley has also shown a particularly charitable nature lately. She made the following observation to Beth:

"Daddy hasn't lost his baby fat yet."

___________________________________________________

Hayden's sympathy for others is not limited only to humans, mammals, animals, or even other life forms. Her teacher shared the following story with us.

Hayden's teacher, Nancy (no Mr. or Ms. in our hippie school), put a variety of shapes in front of a group of children and asked them to put the triangles in one pile and leave the other shapes in the other pile. All of the other children did this except for Hayden. Then Nancy asked the group what all of the triangles had in common, getting expected answers like "they all have three sides" or "they all have three corners."

Finally, Nancy asked Hayden why she didn't separate out her triangles from the other shapes. Hayden sat silently for a moment and then started to cry. Through her tears, she told Nancy "It's not fair to the other shapes that they don't have three sides."

This is classic Hayden. She's loving and compassionate, yet stubborn enough to think she can rewrite the ancient laws of geometry.

___________________________________________________

We were visiting our Cohen cousins and Dylan and Marley were playing with a bunch of stuffed animals. Marley put several plush animals into a play tent and then walked up to me and said:

"Those are A-Listers, daddy."

I'll be looking for them on the red carpet on E! any day now.

___________________________________________________

Speaking of fashion critiques, Hayden simply does not hold back. Not only is poor Beth not allowed by our girls to sing or dance in their presence, she can't escape a review of her wardrobe either.

One morning, Hayden told Beth that she was dressed like the nanny from Eloise at the Plaza and that she "needed to get a new look."

Forget what I said about Hayden being charitable all the time.

February made me shiver

. . . with all the quotes that I deliver. So let's get right to them.

___________________________________________________

Hayden continues her membership in the Church of Capitalism.

She got some more money as a present for Valentine's Day. When she went to add it to her stash, I saw her taking her cash up to her bed. I asked her why and she said:

"In the morning, I'm going to spread my money out and roll around in it."

She's a regular Scrooge McDuck swimming around in piles of gold coins.

___________________________________________________

Speaking of money, the girls were having some sort of disagreement about something for a change and Hayden suggested that they flip a coin to see who gets to choose.

Hayden went to get a quarter and, as she tossed it in the air, she called out "I've got heads!"

And Marley instantly yelled, "I've got toes!"

___________________________________________________

Hayden and I were lying down at bedtime and we had the following conversation:

Daddy: "Does your friend Liana go to Hebrew School?"

Hayden: "Yes."

Daddy: "I kind of screwed up by not signing you up for Hebrew School this year. You know, it's a very important part of our family and who we are."

Hayden: "What is? Screwing things up?"

The first thing we're going to make sure that she learns in Hebrew School is "Honor thy Mother and Father."

___________________________________________________

Hayden threw up twice in class this week so Beth went to pick her up and then worked from home.

At one point a bit later, Marley walked into our room and told Beth "Mommy, I just wanted to tell you that I will help Hayden tonight."

So sweet.

___________________________________________________

Hayden and I were hanging out and she looked up at me and said:

"Daddy, you're the funniest person I have ever met."

Not much of a quote, but I wanted to record it for posterity because it won't be long before Hayden will be a preteen who insists her parents maintain a 15 foot buffer from her in all public and private settings. Then I'll shove this in her face.

___________________________________________________

Finally, we won tickets to a fashion show at Hayden's school auction (third row!) so Beth and Hayden went a few days ago, with Hayden wearing a fashionable white faux-fur vest and her hair styled too.

When they got home, we made the following video.

Quotally Awesome

Considering how much the girls talk, it should be no surprise that we have an extra big batch of quotes for you in this installment. So without further ado . . .

___________________________

We don't talk that much about politics with the girls, but it seems to get through anyway.

For example, right after the midterm elections Marley asked if Barack Obama would still get to live in the White House.

A few weeks later, the topic of the First Lady came up and Beth asked Marley if she knew the name of the President's wife.

"Yes," she proudly said. "It's Mrs. Barack Obama!"

The feminist movement still has a way to go, I'm afraid.

___________________________

Speaking of politics, I don't know how we did it, but we've somehow raised Hayden into becoming the only Republican on the Upper West Side. (On fiscal policy, that is. She's very kind and charitable with her time and affections.)

Once we walked by a homeless person asking for money and Hayden asked what he would give in exchange for the money.

"Nothing," Beth says. "He's just unfortunate and needs help."

Hayden thought for a second and said, "Well, that doesn't sound like a very good deal for us at all."


In fairness, Hayden is also tough on corporate recipients of money. She's very fascinated with Beth's job, which Beth explains to her as giving money to companies to help them grow and then sometimes getting as much as 2 to 3 times as much money back and sometimes no money at all.

Hayden observed: "Doesn't sound like a very good deal for you, Mommy."

Note to self: don't borrow money from Hayden.
___________________________

Marley yells just about everything she says and one day at the diner she yelled out "I need to go to the potty!"

I told her that I would take her, but she yelled back "No! I want Mommy to take me!"

On the way to the bathroom, Marley had the following exchange with Beth:

B: "Did you want me to take you because you wanted to go to the Ladies Room?"

M: "But I'm not a lady!"

B: "Well, you are a young lady."

M: [thinking for a minute] "And you're an old lady!"

So cute, but so cruel sometimes.

____________________________

We were watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade (on TV) and the Diary of a Wimpy Kid balloon came on the screen.

"I'll bet that balloon needs to poop all the time," Hayden said.

"Why?" I asked.

"'Cause you know diary, like diarrhea . . ."

She may be onto something there.

____________________________

Because our girls are so precocious, we sometimes let them watch programs that, ahem, older children usually watch. For example, we have let them watch Grease a few times.

In addition to Marley cruelly forbidding Beth from singing or dancing along to Greased Lightning, there has been another unpleasant side effect: Marley keeps saying "Eh, fangul!" like Rizzo (Stockard Channing) does during the Sandra Dee song.

I really hope we don't hear from the other preschool parents about this one.

____________________________

I'm happy to say that Hayden really appreciates Beth's skills and accomplishments as a do-it-all modern woman.

One time, Hayden was watching Beth folding laundry and asked "Why are you always doing laundry and Daddy never does it?" (There are good reasons that are too detailed to go into here, but I digress.)

Beth answered, "Well, this is something that I do around the house and Daddy does other things."

Hayden shot back, "Like what? Tell funny jokes?"


And just tonight Hayden was lying in bed and called Beth into her room:

H: "What are you doing Mommy?"

B: "I'm writing Paul (Beth's longtime work colleague) an email."

H: "About what?"

B: "He thinks I may have made a mistake in the math I calculated on the computer."

H: "What were you calculating?"

B: "Every few months I see how much money that the companies I give money to are making. I do some of the math on the computer and then I tell Paul about it."

H: [thinking for a moment] "So you do all the work?"

I'm pretty sure Beth is going to hire Hayden to represent her in any future negotiations.

____________________________

Finally, the name of Marley's preschool is Morningside Montessori. One day, Marley was feeling sick and had to stay home with our babysitter Sandra. I asked her if she was attending "Sandra school" that day.

"Yep," she answered right away. "Today I'm going to Morningside Monte-sandra!"