I don't think that word means what you think it means . . .

So many of these quotes tend to happen when we're lying down with the girls at bedtime.

Anyway, Beth was lying down with Hayden last night and Hayden was giving her a massage.  Hayden was telling her mom about how at camp they form a "massage train" so everybody both gets and gives a massage at the same time.  Hayden then bragged that her counselor Rachel always wanted to be in front of her on the massage train "because I'm a really good massageonist!"

I assume she meant "masseuse," but the way she treats her sister sometimes makes me think that she actually might be a mysoginist too.

Unbelievably Belated Post Chock Full of Quotes

The girls on Career Day at school.

Man-oh-man, has it really been TEN MONTHS since I last posted quotes on this page?  So so so very sorry.

Suffice to say, the kids have still been saying funny stuff and I've still been writing some of them down.  Just look below.

(Disclaimer:  Due to the long passage of time, I forgot some of the precise details of the quotes.  So future Hayden and Marley historians please take these with a grain of salt.)

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Marley on her 6th birthday at school

Religious and spiritual themes were very big this past year.  For example, Marley told Beth (at least twice) that she (Beth) didn't make her (Marley), God did.  (No role for me was stated.)

Talk about a Messiah Complex.

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Hayden at the Museum of the Moving Image

Hayden was feeling a bit sick to her stomach, so I asked her if she was feeling "a bit nauseus."

She replied, "Sorry daddy, I'm not hungry right now."

She apparently thought I was asking her if she wanted any noshes.

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Marley showing her fashion sense.

The girls can be quite critical of Beth's wardrobe choices (and unfairly so, since Beth dresses very well).

One morning Marley was watching Beth get dressed and said that she looks like Madonna, but should show more of her belly.

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Hayden and her departed pet frog Comic Book

Hayden:  Daddy, why do so many people hate Glee?

Marc:  I don't think they do, sweetheart.  Why do you think so?

Hayden:  Well they said on TV that they had a bunch of Emmys.

Marc:  I think you're confusing that with enemies, love.

Hayden:  Oh.

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Marley announced to Beth one night that she was scared of "witches, ghosts, leprecauns, the word panties, and the letter O."

Good luck finding a support group that covers all of that.

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As I mentioned, it's been a big year for religion around our home.  Hayden started Hebrew school and really took to it.  She walked around for long stretches singing David, Melech Yisroel over and over and over.  We thought she was likely to become Hasidic if only she didn't like to dress so fancy.

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Hayden on a school trip at Yankee Stadium showing how she feels about the Yankees.

The girls certainly can show their temper, like one night when Hayden was throwing a fit in her room and Marley wanted to come in and ask her a question.

Marley:  Hayden, can I ask you something?

Hayden:  SCRAM!!!

Marc:  Hayden, watch it!

Hayden (without missing a beat):  Scram please!

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Although the girls are developing a healthy Jewish identity, it's not clear that they understand that their experience may not be fully representative.

Hayden:  Mommy, why don't you wear a Jewish star like Daddy and me?

Beth:  Well, everyone can tell I'm Jewish just by looking at me.

Hayden:  But how?  You don't have red hair.

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Beth was talking about a trip someone was taking.

Hayden:  Where are they going?

Beth:  To Greece.

Hayden:  You mean like the movie?

Oh, those summer nights.

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Marley on a class trip.  She apparently has cooties.

I play hockey on an outdoor rink in Central Park.  Obviously, the season is only during the colder months.  That didn't stop Marley from saying to me right before the first game in November:  "Daddy, why are you going out?  You're always playing hockey."

Always = every nine months

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I can't remember the context, but Hayden announced "I'm fabulousest.  If that was a word, I'd be it."

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We received a beautiful holiday photo card from the family of one of Marley's good friends.  I was wondering what beach the picture was taken on.

"It's Long Beach Island, Daddy.  They're Jewish, you know."

Apparently LBI is the same as Tel Aviv.

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Hayden:  I'm good at revenge.  I don't know what it is, but I'm sure I'd be good at it.

Hayden is apparently part Klingon.

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Marley had an ingenious idea for future wedding ceremonies.  The ring bearer should be someone dressed as a bear.

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Beth and I alternate lying down with the girls at bedtime and one night in January the girls said the following at bedtime.

Marley (just as I lay down next to her):  Daddy, what compliments do you have for me tonight?

Hayden:  When I get older, I'm going to have a boob extreme.

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Beth practicing her speech for an enthusiastic Marley.

The girls can occasionally be very patient with us regarding work and they particularly like to hear Beth's speech that she gives at her company's Annual Meeting.

During one part of the speech, Beth was talking about ARPU (average revenue per user).  The girls started giggling uncontrollably and pointing at their tushes.

Hayden:  You're going to talk about "our poo"?  Gross!

I had no idea that my sense of humor was so hereditary.

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Hayden celebrating a huge Knicks win.

Beth was traveling in some European country and she called the girls at home.  At the end of the conversation, Beth said "Hasta la vista!"

Hayden responded, "What language is that?  Is that Europey?"

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Hayden has had some pretty diverse career goals over the past several months.  Most of the time, her goal has been to be an Olympic gymnast.  She has proven to be pretty flexible and can do a back walkover with ease, leading her to be a limbo champion.

She has also expressed interest in being a rabbi.  As she says, "So many kids say they don't like Hebrew school, but I do and I want to be a rabbi so everybody can be like be and say 'Jewish yay!'"

Hayden has also told me that she wants to be the first woman president so she "can make America great for everybody.  Also, I want my own memorial."

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Marley:  Mommy, what's court?

Beth:  It's where lawyers like daddy go to argue cases in front of a judge.

Marley:  What if Bruce Springsteen had to go to court?

Beth:  What do you mean?

Marley:  Well, daddy would really really really want to be his lawyer?

She knows me so well.

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Promise to be better next time.  And if you want to see pix from the girls at camp, pay regular visits to reinergirlsatcamp.blogspot.com.

End of Summer Notes and Quotes

(PHOTO FROM FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL)

So my normal process with these quotes is to save them up until we have a bunch and then put them up on the blog. Well, that process worked so well this time that I waited too long and forgot what the quotes were. Thankfully the girls get their intelligence and organizational skills from their mother.

And thankfully they continue to say Notable and Quotable things. Read on if you don't believe me.

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We were on Long Beach Island and Hayden and cousin Avery were about to go off to a store called Just Bead It!, where you make jewelry from beads, etc. My brother Hamilton, speaking for me as well, said "Yuck. I'd rather have a dentist appointment than go to Just Bead It!"

Chiming in, Marley said "Yeah. And even have your molars taken out."

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Hayden was playing around in our apartment not so long ago and pretending to operate a restaurant. She played the hostess and also one of the waitstaff.

So, after telling me about the specials and taking my order, she says "Remember, when you're at this restaurant we make you feel like you're family."

And I'll bet they're more successful at that task than the Olive Garden is.

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So the girls really are very smart. They're great readers. Very logical. Excellent memories. Vigorous debaters. And they know many multisyllabic words. They just don't always use them exactly right.

For example, we had the following discussion while playing miniature golf on vacation.

Beth: Marley, get off of the green. You're being an obstacle.

Marley: What's an obstacle?

Beth: It's something that's in the way.

Hayden: Like an obstacle illusion?

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And one day later we had this chat.

Beth: Marley, please go brush your teeth.

Marley: I can't. I don't know where my identical kit is.

(That's her dental kit, we're guessing.)

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The best is when we hear funny stories about our kids from other people. Otherwise we get the feeling that only we see and hear these things, kind of like Snuffalupagus.

So Marley was riding the ferris wheel at Fantasy Island with her friend from camp, Gari, and her friend's mother, Jennifer, who told us about this chat.

Gari: That person down there is smoking. That's really bad for you.

Marley: I know. It can make your lungs work at only 80%.

Ready for the MCATs.

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On the night before kindergarten, I was lying down with Marley right before she went to bed. Even though she wasn't particularly nervous about school the next day, I wanted her to feel extra secure and confident.

So I told her: "Marley, I just want you to know that not only do your mother and I love you with all of our hearts, but we also are proud of you, we admire you, we think you're wonderful, spectacular, and terrific, and we wouldn't trade you or your sister for any other two girls in the whole world."

Marley looked up at me and said "Anything else?"

I guess I shouldn't have worried about her confidence.

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We were driving on the highway and I drove over those indentations on the shoulder that make your car vibrate.

Marley shouted out, "Daddy, that must be the Thunder Road!"

I was so psyched, figuring that all of my Springsteen passion must be making some small headway on the girls since Marley knew the name of one of his greatest songs. Such a proud moment.

Then, a few weeks later, the girls were watching Grease. And I noticed that the name of the track where the race was held was called Thunder Road. And now I'm a bit less psyched.

All Marley Edition

I can assure you that Hayden has said notable and quotable things over the last month, but I forgot to write them down or otherwise memorialize them. So I present the first Marley-only blogpost.

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We saw something Easter-related that was consistent with that very fun holiday (maybe an ad for Hop or a giant inflatable Easter bunny on somebody's lawn) and Marley must have wondered if we were going to be celebrating Easter.

So she asked me, "Daddy, are we Easterish?"

I don't think she was asking if our ancestors came from here.

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Marley hates driving in our car and always asks to open the window. We let her, but only until we get on the highway and the fast speeds make it too windy and noisy. Marley therefore associates the highway with fast speeds.

So we were stuck in a traffic jam on the legendary highway known as the New Jersey Turnpike and were not moving at all when Marley asked "Are we on a low-way now?"

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On another car trip, the girls' portable DVD player wasn't plugged in so we were trying to kill some time by playing quiz games. First the girls asked me questions about them (which I answered correctly a shockingly low percentage of the time) and then I asked them a few questions about me.

One of the latter questions was what was the name of the college I went to (Yale).

No answer.

So I offered a hint. It begins with the letter Y.

"Uranus!" Marley yelled out.

I think she's destined for Harvard. And I don't mean that as a compliment.

March Modness

Another month has passed and Those Notable, Quotable Reiner Girls remain cute, sassy, and quite quotable. So here goes.

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Hayden is learning to read at a fairly rapid pace and she has developed a newfound affection for Betty and Veronica comics. Choosing a favorite between the two is not a problem for our Hayden. She instinctively sides with the brunette who has all the money and clothes: Veronica.

To ensure that Hayden is instilled with the proper values, we have involved her more actively in deciding to what charity we should give the money in our tzedakah box. We talked about it and Hayden decided we should give the money to the homeless, reasoning "We should give them enough money so they could stay at the Plaza, like Eloise."

I think we'll need a bigger tzedakah box.

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Marley has also shown a particularly charitable nature lately. She made the following observation to Beth:

"Daddy hasn't lost his baby fat yet."

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Hayden's sympathy for others is not limited only to humans, mammals, animals, or even other life forms. Her teacher shared the following story with us.

Hayden's teacher, Nancy (no Mr. or Ms. in our hippie school), put a variety of shapes in front of a group of children and asked them to put the triangles in one pile and leave the other shapes in the other pile. All of the other children did this except for Hayden. Then Nancy asked the group what all of the triangles had in common, getting expected answers like "they all have three sides" or "they all have three corners."

Finally, Nancy asked Hayden why she didn't separate out her triangles from the other shapes. Hayden sat silently for a moment and then started to cry. Through her tears, she told Nancy "It's not fair to the other shapes that they don't have three sides."

This is classic Hayden. She's loving and compassionate, yet stubborn enough to think she can rewrite the ancient laws of geometry.

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We were visiting our Cohen cousins and Dylan and Marley were playing with a bunch of stuffed animals. Marley put several plush animals into a play tent and then walked up to me and said:

"Those are A-Listers, daddy."

I'll be looking for them on the red carpet on E! any day now.

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Speaking of fashion critiques, Hayden simply does not hold back. Not only is poor Beth not allowed by our girls to sing or dance in their presence, she can't escape a review of her wardrobe either.

One morning, Hayden told Beth that she was dressed like the nanny from Eloise at the Plaza and that she "needed to get a new look."

Forget what I said about Hayden being charitable all the time.

February made me shiver

. . . with all the quotes that I deliver. So let's get right to them.

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Hayden continues her membership in the Church of Capitalism.

She got some more money as a present for Valentine's Day. When she went to add it to her stash, I saw her taking her cash up to her bed. I asked her why and she said:

"In the morning, I'm going to spread my money out and roll around in it."

She's a regular Scrooge McDuck swimming around in piles of gold coins.

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Speaking of money, the girls were having some sort of disagreement about something for a change and Hayden suggested that they flip a coin to see who gets to choose.

Hayden went to get a quarter and, as she tossed it in the air, she called out "I've got heads!"

And Marley instantly yelled, "I've got toes!"

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Hayden and I were lying down at bedtime and we had the following conversation:

Daddy: "Does your friend Liana go to Hebrew School?"

Hayden: "Yes."

Daddy: "I kind of screwed up by not signing you up for Hebrew School this year. You know, it's a very important part of our family and who we are."

Hayden: "What is? Screwing things up?"

The first thing we're going to make sure that she learns in Hebrew School is "Honor thy Mother and Father."

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Hayden threw up twice in class this week so Beth went to pick her up and then worked from home.

At one point a bit later, Marley walked into our room and told Beth "Mommy, I just wanted to tell you that I will help Hayden tonight."

So sweet.

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Hayden and I were hanging out and she looked up at me and said:

"Daddy, you're the funniest person I have ever met."

Not much of a quote, but I wanted to record it for posterity because it won't be long before Hayden will be a preteen who insists her parents maintain a 15 foot buffer from her in all public and private settings. Then I'll shove this in her face.

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Finally, we won tickets to a fashion show at Hayden's school auction (third row!) so Beth and Hayden went a few days ago, with Hayden wearing a fashionable white faux-fur vest and her hair styled too.

When they got home, we made the following video.

Quotally Awesome

Considering how much the girls talk, it should be no surprise that we have an extra big batch of quotes for you in this installment. So without further ado . . .

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We don't talk that much about politics with the girls, but it seems to get through anyway.

For example, right after the midterm elections Marley asked if Barack Obama would still get to live in the White House.

A few weeks later, the topic of the First Lady came up and Beth asked Marley if she knew the name of the President's wife.

"Yes," she proudly said. "It's Mrs. Barack Obama!"

The feminist movement still has a way to go, I'm afraid.

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Speaking of politics, I don't know how we did it, but we've somehow raised Hayden into becoming the only Republican on the Upper West Side. (On fiscal policy, that is. She's very kind and charitable with her time and affections.)

Once we walked by a homeless person asking for money and Hayden asked what he would give in exchange for the money.

"Nothing," Beth says. "He's just unfortunate and needs help."

Hayden thought for a second and said, "Well, that doesn't sound like a very good deal for us at all."


In fairness, Hayden is also tough on corporate recipients of money. She's very fascinated with Beth's job, which Beth explains to her as giving money to companies to help them grow and then sometimes getting as much as 2 to 3 times as much money back and sometimes no money at all.

Hayden observed: "Doesn't sound like a very good deal for you, Mommy."

Note to self: don't borrow money from Hayden.
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Marley yells just about everything she says and one day at the diner she yelled out "I need to go to the potty!"

I told her that I would take her, but she yelled back "No! I want Mommy to take me!"

On the way to the bathroom, Marley had the following exchange with Beth:

B: "Did you want me to take you because you wanted to go to the Ladies Room?"

M: "But I'm not a lady!"

B: "Well, you are a young lady."

M: [thinking for a minute] "And you're an old lady!"

So cute, but so cruel sometimes.

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We were watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade (on TV) and the Diary of a Wimpy Kid balloon came on the screen.

"I'll bet that balloon needs to poop all the time," Hayden said.

"Why?" I asked.

"'Cause you know diary, like diarrhea . . ."

She may be onto something there.

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Because our girls are so precocious, we sometimes let them watch programs that, ahem, older children usually watch. For example, we have let them watch Grease a few times.

In addition to Marley cruelly forbidding Beth from singing or dancing along to Greased Lightning, there has been another unpleasant side effect: Marley keeps saying "Eh, fangul!" like Rizzo (Stockard Channing) does during the Sandra Dee song.

I really hope we don't hear from the other preschool parents about this one.

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I'm happy to say that Hayden really appreciates Beth's skills and accomplishments as a do-it-all modern woman.

One time, Hayden was watching Beth folding laundry and asked "Why are you always doing laundry and Daddy never does it?" (There are good reasons that are too detailed to go into here, but I digress.)

Beth answered, "Well, this is something that I do around the house and Daddy does other things."

Hayden shot back, "Like what? Tell funny jokes?"


And just tonight Hayden was lying in bed and called Beth into her room:

H: "What are you doing Mommy?"

B: "I'm writing Paul (Beth's longtime work colleague) an email."

H: "About what?"

B: "He thinks I may have made a mistake in the math I calculated on the computer."

H: "What were you calculating?"

B: "Every few months I see how much money that the companies I give money to are making. I do some of the math on the computer and then I tell Paul about it."

H: [thinking for a moment] "So you do all the work?"

I'm pretty sure Beth is going to hire Hayden to represent her in any future negotiations.

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Finally, the name of Marley's preschool is Morningside Montessori. One day, Marley was feeling sick and had to stay home with our babysitter Sandra. I asked her if she was attending "Sandra school" that day.

"Yep," she answered right away. "Today I'm going to Morningside Monte-sandra!"

Toothless Hayden and Marley Gaga

Hayden just lost her third tooth yesterday and it was a prominent one. It was the front left tooth. It had been loose for a while and quite wiggly. It even seemed to move quite a bit side to side, which I don't recall seeing before.

Anyway, Hayden likes to ask for rather specific things from the Tooth Fairy, so I encouraged her to leave a note for the Tooth Fairy before the tooth falls out so she is ready when she comes to pick up the tooth. Previous notes asked for: (1) a five dollar bill, and (2) a photograph of the Tooth Fairy. This was the note for the most recent tooth:

Translation:

A charm shaped in a heart that you can put a picture of me in it. And 5 dollars or 10 dollars.

Do you have friends?

(In the top right corner) This is 3rd tooth

Love,

Hayden

Well, Hayden woke me up with great excitement this morning to tell me that the Tooth Fairy brought her just what she asked for and even left her a note answering her question "yes".

Hayden told me that the Tooth Fairy is her absolute favorite present giver. I was a bit taken aback since I thought that one of my greatest skills is buying presents for children (including myself), so I asked her if she forgot about me.

Nope, she responded. "Daddy, this is exactly the kind of charm I wanted. There's NO WAY that you could have gotten me something like this."

Oh well.

Hayden also told me that before she lost any teeth she was skeptical about the Tooth Fairy, but she now believes since the Tooth Fairy has been so good at getting her what she wants.

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In Marley news, we seem to have one of the youngest teenagers on the Upper West Side.

Marley and I were playing Hangman on the iPad this morning even though I told her that I thought she was a bit too young to really get it. Such a suggestion never seems to work.

Anyway, I looked away while Marley typed her word into the iPad and then when she finished I started guessing. It was only a three letter word, but I missed anyway.

The word: OMG. "It was the only word I knew how to spell," Marley explained.

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Speaking of Marley the teenager, she is more of a fan of Lady Gaga than a girl her age should be. Witness this video:

And speaking of Lady Gaga, here is a picture of our musically themed Halloween costumes:

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And now back to Hayden.

Hayden said she wants a gold Jewish star necklace. She treats her stuff -- jewelry included -- pretty carelessly so we're not very eager to get her one, but we told her she can ask for one for Hannukah.

Hayden thought for a moment and then opined, "Silver is for Christmas and gold is for Hannukah." I'm pretty sure that she was referring to silver tinsel on Christmas trees, but it was no accident that her observation perfectly fit her desires.

And for all you shoppers out there, please do not buy Hayden a gold necklace for Hannukah.

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It was raining a week or so ago and we were sitting around sighing about it. Out of nowhere, Marley then exclaimed: "I curse the rain!"

We still have no idea where that came from.

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Finally, Marley and I were playing a rhyming game at bedtime last night. I would say a word and then Marley would come up with a rhyme for it.

After a few minutes, it became clear that Marley was just taking whatever word I said and then adding an "M" to it to make a rhyme. The words she picked included mop, mope, moat, might, mark, man, etc.

Knowing Marley's healthy (and accurate) self-image, I have my suspicions as to why she chose the letter M.

Back From Outer Space

In full disclosure, we were not actually in outer space. And I assure you that Those Notable, Quotable Reiner Girls were both notable and quotable in the past nine months. The absence of posts is due entirely to bad parenting by the girls' father. So to current readers and future historians, I apologize. Now, on to the girls.


I was trying to fix Marley's stroller and was struggling pretty hard. Marley was sitting there watching me. I must have looked pretty frustrated because Marley looked at me and said, "Daddy, you're so strong. You're even stronger than duct tape."


We were at curriculum night for Hayden's school and on the walls they had the products of their classroom meetings. For one of them, the kids had to say what they liked that begins with the first letter of their first name. For example, "Pietro likes pools" and "Bella likes butterflies."

As we noticed, and several other parents pointed out to us, halfway down on the list it said "Hayden likes hippies." So groovy.

Her teachers said that, when they asked her what hippies are, she described them as people who dress funny. This is certainly consistent with her fashion-centric view of the world.


We went out to the movies last night and Marley asked me what we were seeing. I told her the name of the Facebook movie that we were going to see -- The Social Network.

Later that evening, Marley said to Beth, "Have fun seeing The Cartoon Network!"


Our family has been watching a lot of Glee lately and the song selection of 80s and disco classics tends to appeal to certain, shorter adults in our family. Anyway, the girls (especially Marley) get a bit agitated when adults dance along, leading to exchanges like this:

Marley: Mommy, stop dancing!

Beth: Why can't I dance along?

Marley: It's just not cool, mommy.

Elsewhere on the Web

Our girls did a bit of free modeling for a friend. You can check them out here.

Last Quotes of 2009

. . . or at least the last ones that you're likely to hear about.

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We have four people in our house and, somehow, only one toilet. This can make for quite a few contentious moments.

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For example, Marley had been sitting on the potty for a long time and Beth wanted to use the bathroom. So Beth calls into the bathroom, "Marley are you finished on the potty yet?"

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And Marley called back, "No, Mommy, I'm still dropping anchor."

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Bonus quote: Marley has been known to shout "Bombs away!" when she's sitting on the potty.

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The other day, Hayden and Marley were putting on a show with their friend Alana. Before it started, Hayden played the role of the announcer and this is what she said:

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"Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to start so please turn off your cell phones. And if you have small children, please take them outside if they make any noise. Now let's start the show!"

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The girls were watching a movie and the term "divorce" came up. Marley asked what that meant and Beth told her.

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Marley responded, "No, that's not divorce, that's called being single."

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And, finally, some visuals. Hayden and I had been talking about how some artists learn their craft by copying other artists work. She wanted to give it a try.

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The first work she chose to copy was Van Gogh's Sunflowers:

Here's how it came out:

Next up she chose Matisse's Golden Fishes:

Here's Hayden's version, which I thought was pretty great:

Even more impressive, at least to me, was the following picture Hayden made several hours later at a friend's house. Mind you, she didn't have the Matisse original in front of her and it was made strictly from memory.

I'm not sure that word means what you think it means . . .

I was telling Hayden the other day that I thought maybe I should lose some weight.
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She responded, "Daddy, you're fat in a good way!"
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So supportive.
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Marley can be very exasperating at bedtime. She'll constantly call for Beth (mostly) or me (sometimes).
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One night, Beth responded to one of these calls because Marley said she had to go to the bathroom. So Beth brought her to the bathroom and said, "Marley, after this I don't want to hear another peep out of you, OK?"
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M: OK.
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B: I mean it, not another peep.
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M: OK, Mommy. Next time that I call you I won't make a peep.
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So close, yet so far.
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Hannukah season is fast approaching and the girls are more than a little excited. I had the following chat with Hayden about Hannukah:
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M: Every night of Hannukah we light candles and, if you've been good, you get a present.
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H: I know, Daddy.
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M: Before you girls were born, Mommy and I used to give each other presents but we don't do that anymore.
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H: That's because yours and Mommy's presents now are making Marley and me happy.
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I think she meant to say that it's better to give than receive, but I'm not so sure.

For Arts Sake

Hayden is constantly drawing pictures of and for people so the other day Marley decided to get in on this and drew a picture for Hayden. Now Marley is 3 1/2 so her work isn't making it to the Met any time soon. Hayden decided that despite her young age it was time to face reality and said the following:

"Marley, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything. I'm just trying to be honest but your picture isn't very good. I don't think you should give me any more pictures until you get a little older and your artwork is better."

Next stop art lessons...or therapy?

Hayden Youngman

I've been very happy the last few days because both of our girls have been showing signs of an interest in Star Wars. They're really coming around.
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But that's not the full extent of my nefarious influence on the girls. Hayden has also apparently inherited my propensity for teasing Beth about her height. Here are a few examples.
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As anybody who has been within earshot of her knows, Marley talks. A lot. So we started calling her "Little Miss Chatterbox" and bought her a hat and a shirt featuring that character.


Hayden, always wanting more apparel, decided she wanted a "Little Miss Naughty" shirt. That led to the following exchange.
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Beth: If you're Little Miss Naughty and Marley is Little Miss Chatterbox, who would I be?
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Hayden: Little Miss Little!
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Boom! Roasted.
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Beth tripped and fell over the weekend and hit her eye on a desk. She's mostly okay now, but it left her with a quite visible shiner on her right eye. People have been asking me (jokingly, I hope) about why I have been beating her.
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One night when we were all in the living room, I was telling Beth, "You know I still love you, Tina Baby" like creepy Ike did in the Tina Turner biopic What's Love Got To Do With It.
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I then asked Hayden, "Do you think we should call Mommy 'Tina Baby'?"
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Without hesitating, she said "No, we should call her 'Teeny Weeny.'"
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Boom! Roasted again.
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Finally, I'm assistant coaching her soccer team and she came to a coaching clinic I had to take. We had a great time and she made these awesome pictures the next day.

New Quotes (sorta NSFW)

It was right before bedtime and Marley was still clamoring for some treats, leading to this exchange with Beth:

Marley: Mommy, I want some fruit snacks.

Beth: No, it's almost bedtime.

M: Mommy, I really want them. I'm very hungry!

B: How can you be hungry? Didn't you eat dinner?

M: Yes, but I only ate a green leaf, like the Hungry Caterpillar.

Her all-roughage diet explains quite a lot . . .
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We're all very excited in Stately Michelson-Reiner Manor because Hayden is finally old enough to play on a neighborhood soccer team. I'm an assistant coach and was able to maneuver it so our team got lavender uniforms.

Anyway, the uniforms came and the girls very excitedly tried some on and I was wearing my (also lavender) coach's jersey.

Marley then asked, "Daddy, can I be your Mini Me?"
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Beth was lying down at bedtime with Hayden and had the following chat:

Beth: You know, tomorrow is Stacey's birthday. I've known her since I was your age and also in kindergarten.

Hayden: So do you think that I'll still be friends with people I'm friends with now when I'm a mommy?

B: Sure.

H: Do you think you'll still be friends with Stacey even when you're a grandmother?

B: I'm sure I will.

[slight pause]

H: Are you a grandmother now?

I'm surprised that Hayden didn't already know the answer to that question. I can see why there might be just a tiny bit of confusion though since Beth is as tall as many grandmothers.
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Finally, Marley can have her tough moments but she can also be extremely, effusively loving.

Lately, she will - without prompting - say "Daddy, I love you" or "Mommy, I love you." (She's not saying this to cover up some unseen misbehavior, as far as we can tell.) Or she'll tell us how she loves some stuffed animal or ice cream we got her. Very sweet.

Another behavioral quirk of Marley is that she will follow Beth and me around everywhere and not give us any privacy. Not any. Not when we're on the toilet, in the shower, etc.

Anyway, these behaviors combined and led to Marley saying the following after she burst in on me while I was in the shower:

"Daddy, I see your penis!"

[slight pause]

"Daddy, I love your penis."

Hard to respond to that one, I can assure you.

Some new quotes and a video clip

Hayden and Marley are somewhat surprisingly into classic musicals. In addition to Mary Poppins, they also enjoy Bye Bye Birdie quite a bit.

So it was only sort of a surprise that Hayden asked for me to put in the DVD for "West Side Montessori."


Lately the girls have thought it was fun and cute to act like babies. So instead of asking for something in English, they'll point at it and make a baby noise like "bah." As you can imagine, this is quite exasparating.

Marley did this recently by pointing at her cup of juice and saying "bah."

"What does 'bah' mean?" I snapped at Marley.

Marley calmly responded, "It's Spanish for juice."

Well, if she says so . . .


Hayden can be a bit mercurial about what she does and doesn't want to do at any given point. So I was lying down with her at bedtime and tells me, "Daddy, I don't want to go to Colorado this year."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. And Marley told me that she doesn't want to go either."

"OK, I'll talk to her about that when I go in her room next."

Short pause.

"Well, you know how Marley doesn't remember saying things all the time."

Hmmmmm . . .


Marley can be bizarrely affectionate sometimes.

Beth had just come home from work a few days ago and Marley told her "Take off your skirt so I can mush your booty." As she went about mushing Beth's caboose, she announced "I love your booty Mommy."

Somebody call Hallmark.


And finally, here's a video of Hayden giving an interview in connection with a graduation DVD that the school produces. As you can see, she's a bit ambivalent about her braids sometimes.

The Little Girl With The Curl

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead;

When she was good, she was very, very good,

And when she was bad she was horrid.

-Nursery Rhyme

Marley has more curls than just a little one right in the middle of her forehead.  But, otherwise, she's the Little Girl with the Curl down to a tee. When she's good (as she is almost all of the time), she's very very very good. But when she's bad . . .

A small example is one time that Marley said she had to go to the potty. Beth was sitting with her in the bathroom and, before anything came out, Beth asked "Is this going to be a false alarm?"

Marley looked up and said "You wish."

A better example happened when we were sitting on a bench outside of Ben & Jerry's eating our ice cream.

Marley saw a Mister Softee ice cream truck on the corner and said "Mommy, I want some Mister Softee!"

An Upper West Side yenta sitting near Marley interjected "But you already have ice cream."

Without pausing or blinking, Marley took her ice cream cone and threw it on the ground. Problem solved.

She can be as cold as ice cream.

Anyway, Marley's very very very good moments outweigh those moments when she is horrid. And Marley knows this.

One night at bedtime, Beth was lying down with Marley. Beth looked at her and said, "Marley, you know, you're lucky . . ."

And Marley interrupted ". . . that I'm funny and I'm cute!"

To which I would only add ". . . and smart."

Misunderstandings

We were at a store and Hayden says to me, rather loudly, "Daddy, I want to see you pee."

"What?"

"I want to see you pee."

Then I remembered that she likes to spell things out. So I said, "You want a cup (C-U-P)?"

"No, I want to see you pee."

Only five minutes later did I realize she was telling me she wanted to see the movie Up.

Long Time, No Post

It's been a long time in between posts, but the girls have been saying cute stuff in the interim.

For example, Marley likes to tell jokes and her current favorite one is the following:

Marley: You know what?

Innocent Victim: What?

Marley: Chicken butt.

Never fails. Nor do the variants, "You know why? Chicken thigh" and "You know who? Chicken tattoo."


Hayden 's birthday was a few days ago and we went to the sublime Dylan's Candy Bar to celebrate. It was a surprise though, and the girls were thrilled when they saw where we were going. Hayden was particularly thankful, and she told Beth:

"I forgot that I wanted to go here for my birthday, but I'm glad you didn't forget."


Hayden also graduated from preschool last week and Marley was sitting on my lap during the ceremony. I got a call on my cell phone, which was set on vibrate. Marley promptly announced: "Somebody's making a toot!" (That's what we call flatulence in Apt. 64.)


Hayden attended preschool in a synagogue and on the bulletin board one day were a series of Israeli flags that Hebrew school students made. So I asked Hayden if she knows what Israel is.

She said "Yes. That's where God lives."

Personally, I think She would prefer someplace where She could snowboard, but Hayden may be right.


Marley was telling me that she got some play-doh under her fingernail. I must not have expressed enough sympathy because she quickly insisted "Be very sad, Daddy."


Finally, Marley has been using a bunch of funny sayings lately. Maybe you just have to hear them come from her insistent, curly head, but I may as well list them here.

When Marley has to go to the bathroom, she invariably announces "I need to use the potty really badly."

Another one is that when Marley wants something she shouts out "I'm begging you Mommy!" or, more recently, "I'm really begging you Mommy!"

Tough to turn down.

Swine List

Marley has a good friend named Miranda and they were playing together recently. From another room, Marley could be heard talking on her play telephone saying:

"Hello doctor? We need to make an appointment. Miranda has the swine flu."

Somehow cable news crises even reach the under 3 set.


Speaking of the swine flu, Beth was explaining to Hayden what it was all about:

Beth: Well, "swine" means "pig" so it comes from pigs.

Hayden: And it flies through the air, right?

Beth: I suppose. How did you know that?

Hayden: Because it's the "flew."

She was serious, but it is kind of funny.

WWW

We just returned from a long roundtrip down to Maryland for Dylan's fourth birthday party. We had a wonderful time, but the car trip was unexpectedly long.

Marley may have many great qualities, but she is not the best travel partner. First of all, she doesn't sleep in the car. And not only does she not sleep, she talks the whole time. Except it's not really talking so much as shouting. And she doesn't just shout, she shouts questions and demands.

So after four hours of this shouting, I finally said to Marley: "Listen Marley. If you please be quiet for five minutes, I'll give you a lollipop."

No more than 30 seconds passed before Marley shouted out: "I need help!"

"What do you need help with Marley?"

"With a lollipop," she said.

Not what I had in mind.

If you've read previous blog entries, you know that Hayden knows what her Hebrew name (Chaya) means. So she asked Beth what her Hebrew name (Brina) means.

"I don't know," Beth answered.

"Well, what does 'Hayden' mean?"

"It's a name," Beth said. "It doesn't mean anything."

"Well, I think it means 'Superstar.'" Hayden announced.

And so it is written, so it shall be.

We were watching one of our many Sesame Street DVDs, and this one focused on the alphabet. They were talking about words that start with W.

"What's your favorite W word?" I asked Hayden.

"Hmmm. I don't know," she answered. "Why don't you tell me all of them and I'll decide."

I'm waiting for her to learn to read the dictionary.

Speaking of W words, I got home from work this week and Hayden knew I had been to court since I was uncommonly wearing a suit. She greeted me at the door by saying:

"Daddy, how was court? I hope it was wonderful!"

Not really, but I'm glad to have the support.

And finally, and also speaking of W words, Hayden was watching Diego on TV and asked me what nada means. I told her that they were actually saying de nada, and it means "you're welcome" in Spanish.

She was very excited to start using the term, so she said to me:

"Daddy, de nada to come into my room if you want."

I was confused for a second and then realized that she meant that I was welcome to come into her room.

I was going to correct her, but I didn't know how to say it in Spanish either.

Getting Dressed

Hayden was sitting in her closet, trying to pick out an outfit to wear. This is a process that can stretch on for 20 minutes or more.

Marley, prankster that she is, went to close Hayden's closet door while Hayden was still sitting in it. Hayden yelled in protest and pushed it back open, but Marley kept trying to close it on her.

Sandra came over and asked "Marley, why do you keep closing the door on Hayden in the closet?"

No response from Marley other than looking down at her shoes.

"Marley, answer me. Why do you keep closing the door on Hayden?"

Still no response from Marley.

"Marley, tell me why you keep closing the door on her."

Finally, Marley looks up and says "To keep her safe."

Nice but, of course, dubious.


Beth asked Hayden if she remembered that Dylan's birthday was this weekend.
Hayden said she had forgot and she explained: "I forgot to turn my brain on."


Marley was sitting naked watching tv in our living room one morning when all of a sudden our little 2 and a half year old blurted out, "Jesus Christ, I need to get dressed!"

I'll be expecting a call from the pre-school any day now . . .

Dancing in the Parks

Hayden likes to treat playgrounds not only as playgrounds, but also as her own personal performing spaces/tai chi studios. Here is an example of her impromptu performances, and this was not done for the camera:

And, since Marley loves the camera, she asked to have me record one of her own performances:

Self esteem and an alias

When I found out we were having girls, I became committed to making sure they had healthy self esteem. As this exchange shows, it turns out that I shouldn't have worried:

Me: Hayden, I was looking through old pictures trying to find a picture of Sandra (our wonderful nanny) for her birthday card and I saw lots of pictures of you as a baby. I forgot how smiley, happy and cute you were as a baby.

Hayden: When I was a baby, did you know how pretty I was going to grow up to be?

Me: Well, I did hope that you would grow up to be as pretty as mommy.

Hayden: I'm actually prettier than mommy, you know.

Me: Nobody's prettier than mommy, Hayden.

[short pause]

Hayden: Well, I think I'm prettier than mommy . . .



When Beth or I come home for the last few days, Marley runs to the door and greets us the same way:

"Here comes The Tushie!"

I'm not sure if this is her superhero alter ego, her school nickname, or what. But it's pretty cute.



I took the girls out for Ben & Jerry's one night and we were walking home. Hayden wanted to stop in at Duane Reade and buy a toy or magazine or something and I said no.

Hayden started whining and complaining in a way that was completely disproportionate to the slight she suffered, leading to this exchange:

Me: You know Hayden, I think you girls are spoiled. I give you too much stuff.

[short pause]

Hayden: You know, you really didn't do anything that great.

She instantly took it back, but it was a pretty good point.

Latest Batch of Quotes

I've started playing hockey a bit more regularly and most of the games are after the girls have gone to sleep. But I left for one of them before they went to sleep one night, leading to this exchange:

Marley: I want to go watch daddy play hockey!

Beth: I'm sorry, but it's too late. You need to go to sleep.

Marley: But then who's going to say "Go daddy go!"?


A week later or so, Beth was trying to get Marley to get into her diaper pull-up so she could get into pajamas, leading to this memorable exchange between Marley and Beth:

Beth: Marley, bring your tushie over here!

Marley: I'm sorry. It's closed right now.


Last night was a tough one at Michelson-Reiner Manor. Marley has strep throat and was throwing up aplenty. Beth was on her own at home because I was out. Hayden was not listening very well and was giving Beth grief about going to bed. But she did finally show some contrition when she was lying in bed with Beth:

Hayden: Mommy, I'm sorry I wasn't cooperative with you.

Beth: It's o.k. honey, but you have to understand it was very hard for mommy tonight. I'm on my own and Marley is throwing up. And now I have to clean up after her and clean up the living room and bathroom.

Hayden: You know what, mommy? Maybe I should stay up and help you out.

That Hayden. Always thinking.


And finally, we saw lots of cousins this weekend at the bris to celebrate the new arrival of our adorable new cousin Drew. Sydney is a big fan of the blog and asked that I post this video I took of Hayden and her at the playground:

Quotes Come in Like a Lion

Ever since she began using the potty, Hayden has been an eccentric pooper.

At first, she would make sure someone was keeping her company and she would ask to be hugged tightly "to squeeze the poop out." So this meant hanging out with Hayden while she sat on the potty and then she'd all of a sudden exclaim "It's hugging time!"

Nowadays though, Hayden prefers her solitude. But recently I overheard her talking while she was sitting on the potty saying:

"Come on out. Come on out. I don't know why you changed your mind and don't want to come out."

No word yet as to whether the poop talked back.



In other tushy talk, Marley will sometimes walk around nude and, one day, I asked her if I could have her tushy so I could take it to work with me.

"Just a little piece," she counteroffered, holding her thumb and pointer close together.

Very generous, I think.



Moving on to non-pooping body parts, Hayden was snuggling with me on the couch and said, "Daddy, I can hear your heart beeping."

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.



Speaking of Hayden, she was drawing something on the computer and said, "Daddy, when I'm done with this drawing it's going to change your world."

Characteristic modesty.



And, finally, we were watching They Might Be Giants' Here Comes the ABCs and got to talking about the alphabet. Here's a transcript:

Hayden: Daddy, Marley's special because her name has an A in it and A is the first letter of the alphabet.

Me: That's true.

Hayden: And you and I are special too then.

Me: That's true too.

[Medium pause]

Hayden: But mommy isn't special.

Me: That's not true. You know that mommy is very special.

Hayden: Well, she did marry you.

Hayden either has a wildly unrealistic image of marriage, her father, or both.

Lord, they were born traveling girls

Our recent trip to Colorado brought with it some memorable quotes, etc., from America's favorite under-five fashion plates. So without further ado:

From the That's A Relief Dept.:

Hayden asked me one afternoon if she could have some lemonade. I told her that, sorry, we don't have any right now.

About an hour or so later, Marley was drinking some water and asked if she could have a lemon.

"Sorry honey," I answered, "we don't have any lemons here."

"We also don't have AIDS." Hayden added.

"What?" I said.

"You know, we don't have ades, because we don't have lemonade." Hayden said.

Oh those homynyms . . .

From the Maybe You Had To Be There Dept.:

Marley was playing Where Is Thumbkin on the plane ride home. (Rather loudly, not giving a whit for the other passengers. But tough beans. It was the afternoon. But I digress . . .)

Right after the first verse, she went right for "where is pinky" in the second verse even though she was holding up her pointer fingers.

"No sweetie," Beth corrected her, "that's your pointer. The little one at the end is your pinky."
Marley looked at it silently for a second and then exclaimed "It's so cute!"

So true.

From the All British People Must Be Related Dept.:

We caught the beginning of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone after Hannah Montana was over and, characteristically, Hayden wanted to watch it because she recognized it as entertainment targeted for kids older than her.

"What's this?" I asked Hayden.

"Oh, you know, it's Harry Poppins," she answered.

Yale Fight Song

Sorry for the low image quality, but I thought some of you might enjoy Hayden and Marley's reinterpretation of "Bulldog."

Marl's Diner

Sometime over the past few months, Marley has morphed into a diner waitress. Specifically, she calls everybody "hon" when they ask her a question. Like this:

"Marley, would you like some juice?"

"No thanks, hon."

Or:

"Sorry Marley, we're out of cookies."

"It's o.k., hon."

It's very cute, but I'm worried she's at some point going to tell me to kiss her grits.

Hayden, Hayden, Hayden

Hayden must have been thinking of her career options, because she asked me "Daddy, can I have your job when you're done with it?"


In other Hayden news, we were on the phone with Sydney the other day and the subject of Hebrew names came up.

"What's my Hebrew name?". Hayden asked.

"Chaya."

"You mean like haaaaa-YAAAA!". Hayden asked, doing her best Miss Piggy imitation.

"Exactly," I lied.

Some Videos

OK, we're expanding our media capabilities here on the Reiner Girls blog.

First, a video from Hayden. She got these sunglasses and a faux wireless microphone headset at the Disney Store today, so here is an example of her singing one of her own compositions. I like to call this song The Ballad of Marley the Reluctant Backup Dancer.


Please don't get the misimpression that Marley doesn't like to dance though. Check this out:

Weekend of Excitement

Beth was scheduled to take Marley to see a live-action Elmo show with some other kids today and then get some lunch as a group. This left a big chunk of time for Hayden and Daddy Time.

To make sure that this special time was not impinged upon, Hayden told Beth last night "When you go for lunch tomorrow, make sure you don't go to Barney Greengrass. That's mine and Daddy's special place."


Speaking of Barney GG, Marley asked Beth last night what the green plastic garnish was on her sushi.

"It's grass, Marley."

"Like Barney Greengrass?" Marley asked.

The kid has good points of reference.


Speaking of Hayden and Daddy Time, we got off the subway by the Plaza Hotel and I told Hayden that was where Uncle Steve asked Aunt Leslie to marry him.

"And where did Mommy ask you to marry her, Daddy?" Hayden asked.

She never does forget who wears the tiny pants in the family.


And finally, after a busy day going to the ferris wheel at Toys R Us, the princess pavillion at the Disney Store, the NBA Store (Hayden's idea, believe it or not) and Barney Greengrass, Hayden said to me "Daddy, I had a lovely day."

So did I.